Some nice time off!

Susan of Tacoma asks,

Bob, My husband and I have one child and that’s all we can afford. I want my husband to have a vasectomy; however, he resists. Why would he do this?

Dear Susan,

I never thought I would have such a life-style. Daycare payments for two kids, exceed our house payments, car payments, 30 page itemized tax workbooks to prepare for our tax people.

To balance our budget I have to create projections including what dates money comes in, how much, and what bill is paid on what date. I just balanced our budget projected till May. It’s like running a goddamn corporation.

But that’s just me; I thrive to decrease our borrowed money by x-dollars per year, while trying to double my 401k each year.

While we’re on the subject of me, I’ve also been contemplating the idea of getting “fixed.” One more kid and we’re officially poor.

The concept is not a problem for me, I’m almost 80 years old and I just don’t need any more kids. But here’s my dilemma, I don’t want to spend the money right now, there’s really no room in my budget.

I called a vet and found I could get a dog “fixed” for only $19.99! So inspired by the Trojan horse, I went to Mangelson’s (costume store) and got me a Scooby-do costume and headed for the vet.

I figured in order to get fixed, I’d have to have my “works” hangin’ out so they could be easily snipped. Just my luck, while making a kwick stop to get a nice cup o’ java on the way to the vet, a cop drives by and takes a big u-turn to find out why Scooby is drivin’ a car.

I explain the whole deal, and just when he seems like he’s good with it, he looks down and see’s my “works” is out on display.

“Vaaaa-roooooooom” I take off lickety-split, just like that!

He must’ve called some other cops, ‘cause next thing I know I’m surrounded. Having watched “Cops” for the last ten years, I knew just what to do…I got out of my car and ran. I ran –ran like the wind.

Next thing I know, I’m tradin’ my Scooby outfit for an orange jumper. I’ll be damn if I was gonna pay that fine, I just sat in jail for a few weeks, money don’t grow on tree’s ya’ know.

P.S. Your hubby probably doesn’t want to get fixed because two out of three marriages don’t work and he wants to be able to have kids with a potential future wife.

COMING NEXT: What’s with all these truck commercials?