24

Just when the networks got rid of all those lame reality shows and graced us with real TV shows that requires writers, the writers decided that they wanted a piece of the TV pie and went on strike.

Well, good for them! But why should we all suffer?

Always ready to help a brother in need, I decided to go ahead and write the next episode of “24”. My only handicap is that I’ve never seen the show, but I looked up the last episode on the internet and will continue the series, for you, for as long as it takes!

Another handicap is that the only TV show I’ve ever watched regularly is re-runs of “I Love Lucy” on TV Land. So I’ll just have to do the best I can with what I know.

The show opens up at some country that’s gonna get blown up by an air strike to appease the Russians. (?) I don’t know where this takes place, but imagine a land with lots of sand. Jack is with Bill and together they will save Jacks son Josh who just happens to be in the same country that is gonna get bombed!

Jack: Will you hurry up already? We gotta get goin’ so’s we can save me bambino!

Bill: Well, before we get goin’ on your little adventure, I wanna know who’s gonna pay for the taxi! (Bill pulls his pants up to his belly button)

Jack: Wha’ you talkin’ bout? We already agreed, we’s gonna split the cab right down the middle! (Jack waves his arms in the air while he speaks.)

Bill: Split the cab! I never agreed that! I agreed to help get your boy. Split the cab, are you out of your mind! It’s your kid!

Jack: Look Bill, juice gonna be riding in it too! It halvsies, I told juice before!

Bill: I’m just sayin’, that back seat is gonna be there whether we ride in it or not, and the taxi fare will be the same. Why should I have to pay!

Jack: Aiee-yi-yi! (He slaps his hand on his forhead.)

Ethel: Now Bill, don’t be such a cheap skate! We gotta go save Ricki-Jr.!

Bill: Ok because it’s Ricki-Jr. (Bill turns his back to Jack and pulls out his wallet and takes out a few bills.)

Jack: Lookie here Bill, a-couple dollars jus not gonna cut it. (He gets louder now.) It costs more than five pesos to go cross-country in a taxi…fork over the cash. (He says while holding his hand out.)

Bill: Awwwwwww! (He hands Jack a few more dollars.)

Driver: Look you’s guys gonna ride or not. I got other customers waiting if you got somthin’ else to do!

Jack: Here you go. (Jack gives the driver a good hard stare while he hands him the cash.)

Driver: Who are your givin’ the evil-eye too?

Jack: Now don’t you get started!

Taxi Driver: You lookin’ at me? You lookin’ at me? I don’t see anyone else here? You must be lookin’ at me? (He reaches in his coat pocket…)

Jack: Ok’s, Ok’s, don’t get ‘xcited, her’s a few more pesos! (He hands the driver more money and they all climb in the Taxi and drive off.)

Ethel: I just hope Ricki-Jr. didn’t get hurt while you two were arguing! (She sulks while folding her arms.)

Jack: Look Ricki-Jr. will be just fine. All we has to do is….Did juice hear that?”

Bill: What Jack, what did you hear?

Jack: Stop the taxi! Stop the taxi! (He says with wide open eyes.)

(The Driver stops.)

Jack: Its coming from the trunk! The trunk!

(They all get out and gather around the trunk.)

Ethel: Oh dear, what could it be?

Jack: Open the trunk! Open the trunk! (He says to the driver.)

Driver: All right, all right, keep yer pants on. (He fumbles through his keys and opens the trunk.)

(The trunk pops open and a familiar red-head sits up with eyes wide open.)

Jack: Lucy! Wha’ juice doin’ in there?

Lucy: I wanna help save Ricki-Jr.!

Jack: I tol’ you, you can’t be in the show! Saving Ricki-Jr. is a man’s job and is no place for a silly red-head!

Lucy: But Ethel got to go!

Jack: That’s completely differn’t. Bill can’t do a thin’ without Ethel.

Ethel: That’s for sure.

Bill: Hey!

(The sound of approaching planes gets louder)

Jack: Now look wha’ you did, we’s all gonna get blown to smitherines! (He says while putting both hands on his head.)

Lucy: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(Take to file footage of an atomic explosion)

The End.

And Now You Know!

COMING NEXT: More Scripts!

STRIKE!

I’m sure with the professional style writing you enjoy here at TheWeirdcrap.com, you were not expecting a column because of the writers strike currently going on.

However, we are not effected because we don’t employ anyone despite the quality entertainment you receive on a weekly basis. But if you’ve visited our sister site / section AlarminglyStrangeStories.com you may have noticed that we haven’t had a new story for quite some time. This is because of the demands of having two children and me personally editing and posting each story myself.

All I can say is its my bad, but its my family or this site which brings absolutely no monetary income to the household. With that choice, I’m afraid the family wins. But now that Baby Gurl II is sleeping all night, I have energy to work on the site again.

I have big plans for 2008 with the launch of AlarminglyStrangeStories.com, version 3.0! I don’t want to reveal any secrets yet because I’m still seeing if I have the technical ability to pull it off…but it’s taking the site to a whole new level!

So for all you readers and writers of Science Fiction, Horror, and Comedy…we’re not dead yet.

Speaking of writers, we have suffered a bit from the strike to be perfectly honest. I don’t actually create all my own material, but I do employ one person for idea’s. He’s not really a writer, more of an idea man. In fact, I’m not really sure if he knows how to write.

His name is Angus and he enjoys a nice cigarette outside once in a while. This is where I met him.

I went outside to the gazebo where all smokers are required to go, so we don’t spread the cancer to co-workers. Anyway this guy is slept in clothes was outside by the sandy ashtray. I noticed that instead of putting a smoke in the tray he was shifting through the tray and picking out the smokes that seemed to have some promise.

I roll my own cigarettes by hand because its cheaper than paying a butt-load per pack. So he see’s me with a hand rolled filter-less cigarette and says with a big smile, “Alriiiiight, now your talking. How about a little drag?”

I explain that it’s just tobacco, and I can roll him a fresh one. So I do. He’s been my buddy ever since. As we’ve talked about this and that, I mentioned my column and after a while he started coming up with good ideas.

I think sometimes the ideas are fueled by Nyquil, chased by malt liquor…but who am I to judge? A good idea is a good idea. Well that’s our only paid – staff member.

Last Friday, he was no where to be found. Although he’s not a member of any Union, I think he’s holding back in honor of those who work for a living. What a great guy!

Anyway, this is why today's entry sucks a big apple.

And now you know!

COMING NEXT: What happened to all those reality shows?