New Years Resolution 2008!

It’s getting close to 2008 and I just can’t hold back the new changes for the new year! We’re moving into the next generation of web sites. The new and improved AlarminglyStrangeStories.com 2.0 I will be ready by January this year.

I’ll go ahead and let the cat out of the bag right now. The new story section will be a totally interactive fiction source. Writers will no longer send short stories by email. Soon you just logon, like an email account and instantly post your short story. If your story is in a word document, you can cut and paste it into the blogger-like post page. Readers and other writers will be able to post comments which will appear below the story; thus, creating a more interactive forum.

For starters, I’m not going to moderate. If it turns out there are abuses, I’ll start moderating the stories and comments, but since there is little need for that now I’m starting with instant story posting. The neat part is this will not use an outside source or website…I’m creating this out of a blogger program, that I am in the process of designing for the writing community and totally hosted by AlarminglyStrangeStories.com.

Later, we’ll move our blog section to our servers and off Blogger.com with a similar format and hopefully before the end of the year we’ll also have a forum/blogger section for writers so you’s can associate among yourselves like Face Book or MySpace.

So that’s what’s TheWeirdcrap.com is doing for you!

Aside from that, I’ve been thinking about my own New Year’s resolutions and have decided to watch what I buy in those last minute trips to the store. Here’s my list of lethal combinations.

In 2008 I will not buy…

• Feminine napkins, Tylenol and Booze
  A case of beer and condoms (but if I
  have to, I’ll be sure to wipe that stupid grin off my face)
• Attachments for a breast pump and a box of cereal
  Extra-hot salsa and hemorrhoid pads
• (although it’s a good combination to have handy)
  An extra-large Metamucil and a month supply of toilet paper (again, no stupid grins)
• A 12-pack of cheap beer – while accompanied by my two daughters
• KY jelly and a playboy
• Booze, coffee, and Aspirin

And Now You Know!

COMING NEXT: Are we there yet!

OH HOLY NIGHT

I didn’t have a Christmas special to write about this year, so I decided to wait until I finished my Christmas and see what comes. But for those who love the pre-Christmas columns here’s one of my favorites:

http://www.theweirdcrap.com/commentaries/askbob2005/2005_12_11_bob.html

Me and my lady went to my sister’s house on Christmas eve. While I was there I noticed, how harsh they are with each other.

My nephew spilled some milk on the floor and right off the bat she yells at him, “Why don’t you watch what your doing you stupid-idiot!”

“Yeah Andy, why do you have to be such a clumsy-idiot!” My other nephew added.

“Shut up Jim…you’re a clumsy idiot.” Andy replied.

“Naw-uh, you’re the clumsy idiot.” Came the next reply.

“Oh yeah, who’s the one who spilled an entire box of Cherios last week.” Andy argued.

“I never did that. Now you’re a lying-clumsy-idiot!” Jim said.

“LIAR JIM!!” Andy screamed…

My mind raced back to the times I was called a “stupid-idiot” by my sister and it was pretty much everyday. Which is fine for me, because unlike a normal person, I didn’t develop into a person with low self-esteem, it just rolled off my back like water on a duck.

When other people were rude to me, it didn’t bother me at all. I just figured they were stupid idiots.

That was until I got married. I learned I had a harsh way with words. In the past I thought I got stuck with overly sensitive women, but as it turns out, I was just a really rude bastard. Oh well, I’ve changed my ways.

Anyways, we go home and I watch the “The Nativity” and learned a few things.

First, I didn’t know Mary was Hispanic. The lady on the movie had to be Mexican, because when she gave birth to the Jesus she yelled, “I ching-gow.” Which I think is cursing in Mexican.

Second, what about the afterbirth? If Jesus was holy, and Mary was holy…would’t the placenta be holy too? Wouldn’t it hold some power?

I think it would.

I figure with that everlasting life flowing in and out of it for nine months, that would be one battery that wouldn’t run out.

Perhaps they fed it to one of the animals in the manger.

I ran upstairs to study the nativity decoration on our mantel…yup, it was a cow.

I figure if that cow ate it, it would become a holy cow and would produce magical moo-moo juice. Now that cow would have reproduced and may have a blood line that exists today producing the magic elixir of power.

So now we have the power of everlasting life in one of two sources, The Placenta of Power, which was probably buried somewhere or in a holy cow.

I think the quest for the Placenta of Power or the Holy After-Birth of Bethlehem, should be the theme of the next Indiana Jones Movie.

Now that I think about it, I can’t believe that with all the Biblical Scholars in the world, none of them have thought to harness the energy from the Placenta of Power…what a bunch of stupid idiots.

And Now You Know!

COMING NEXT: Clean up in isle nine!